


Who Mourns a Spectre

by kayethespade



Series: The Adventures of Alicia Shepard [21]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Angst, Friendship, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Shep is dead, nobody else is dead yet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-16
Updated: 2017-03-16
Packaged: 2018-10-05 22:52:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10319072
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kayethespade/pseuds/kayethespade
Summary: The death of their commander prompts Liara and Garrus to look into Shepard's past in their planning of a memorial service.





	

"What in the hell do you mean no one's setting up a memorial service?" Garrus asked. He had his forehead on the glass of the bar in Chora's Den. He'd been in there nearly every night since he'd heard the news. He didn't like the music. He hated seeing the prostitutes. But they made damn good cocktails. Liara tugged him up to look at her. Her eyes told him she'd been crying the same way he'd been drinking.

"She didn't have any parents or siblings or other family that we know of, Garrus. The Alliance and the Council want to sweep her under the rug. We were the closest thing to a family she ever had," Liara explained. He thought she might start crying again. Garrus reached out for her hand and pat her shoulder. She glanced up at him with a bittersweet smile.

"Where's the rest of the crew?" Garrus asked.

"The Alliance has given us a few hotel rooms until we can find a places to go. She amassed a sizeable amount of credits during our travels. More than enough to cover a memorial service. But I can't plan this alone, Garrus," she pleaded.

"We're crewmates, Liara. I'll help you with the details. Maybe we can find more people to get together. Surely she had friends at some point," he suggested. He pushed off of the barstool, but Liara had to swoop under to keep him on his feet.

"I was able to find her crewmates from basic training. Many of them were on Elysium with her during the Blitz. One of them went through N7 training with her," Liara answered. She carefully led him out of the club and into the quiet of the alley behind. The connecting streets held memories.

Garrus remembered fighting Saren's assassins. Running from the back of the bar to the red floodlit alleyway to save Tali. Shepard getting turned around every so often and going towards a dead end, cursing quietly. He smiled.

"So she did have a family," Garrus muttered.

"I haven't been able to contact them yet, but there were four people besides Shepard in her unit. Two of them are married with children. One of them founded a chain of profitable gun stores. The other is a diplomat. Oddly enough, all of them are on the Citadel," Liara launched in.

"Leave it to Shepard to have motley crew after motley crew," he joked.

"We don't know what they're like yet." Liara assisted him into the rapid transit back to his residential block before climbing in herself.

"Oh you know she had a strange group in basic," Garrus carried on.

"Well....most of their code names were animals," she muttered.

"Aha!"

"Garrus, please. Shepard was able to keep her last name as her code name. Then it went Beetle, Badger, Callico, and Zed. So yes, a motley bunch indeed," Liara chuckled.

"We'll make this work, Li. Whatever it takes," Garrus mumbled. He held her hand and squeezed gently.

"You sound like her," she said.

"Hm?"

"Those words you just said, they sound like something she would say at a time like this," Liara explained. She nodded curtly. It was enough to make her believe.

~~~~~~~

Liara and Garrus sat at a table with four former soldiers. All somewhere in their earlier thirties, but the tired air of those who had lived through hell hung heavily on thier shoulders. Liara could see the ghosts in their eyes.

"You helped her save the Citadel?" Callico asked.

"Yes," Liara said quietly.

"...And you were in love with her," Callico continued. Beetle elbowed malisciously into her ribs, but the pained smirk on her face broke the tension. Zed and Badger grinned.

"Yes, I was...am," she admitted. Liara looked down at a spot on the table demurely, but the smile on her face was happier than Garrus had seen her since the first time in the bar.

"Well, I told her to find someone who could keep up with her goody toe-shoes ass. She does nothing if not follow orders," Callico joked.

"Took all the energy we had, but we kept up," Garrus answered. The pause was welcome. Light.

"How did she die, Liara?" Badger asked.

"We were attacked by a Collector ship. She sent me to evacuate anyone I could. The pilot wouldn't leave, so she went to the bridge to get him. The beam came around again, and she pushed the pilot into the escape pod and sent it off before she could get in. She must have thought her seals would hold until help arrived. They didn't. And then she entered Alchera's atmosphere," Liara reported.

"Yeah. She does that," Zed muttered. "She'll do anything to save her crew. Or anyone, really. If she can help people, she'll find a way."

"I remember when we were all assigned to the S.S.V Edinburgh and our XO tried to get us to stop using our code names. When he got to Shepard, he kept asking what her real last name was. It took everything I had not to laugh as she pull up her registration documents on her omnitool," Beetle added.

"I can never forget that time she asked what a manicure was. I was like "next shore leave, you and I are getting our nails done". She had absolutely no idea what I was talking about. She got her nails done in Alliance blue and white. It was adora-I mean...she was so innocent back then," Callico retold.

"She helped me get up the courage to ask Badger out. It was our last shore leave before the Blitz happened, and Shepard would not let up. I've always admired that about her. She loves getting to know people. It may not always serve her well, but she feels like she needs to know and trust the people under her command," Zed said.

"She never changed. She had a regular route to talk to everyone on the Normandy. Joker, Liara, Kaidan, me, Ashley, Wrex, and Tali. She never differed. I tracked her time on a few of her runs, and they were perfectly consistent," Garrus joked.

"I remember this one time when Shepard and the other human crew decided to take "jello shots" off of each other after the attack on the Citadel. Shepard came over to me and asked if she could do one off my stomach. Having no idea what I was getting myself into, I said yes. The rest is...history," Liara laughed. Callico let out a silent wheeze because she was laughing so hard.

"She's just like we remember her. We only got her to take contraband exactly once, though, and she still left a small credit chip to cover the two six packs she took from the officer's fridge," Badger added.

"How did you convince her to do that?" Liara asked with a grin from ear to ear.

"Zed told her that he'd get some indecent...pics of me," Callico muttered. "I was okay with it, though. Because hey, free beer."

"Huh. I never knew Shepard was so...perverted," Garrus said.

"Clearly you've never seen her when she's drunk off her ass," Beetle teased.

"Well...no. She never drinks on duty, and we were always on duty. So she got through this mission without having one drink," Garrus emphasized.

"Oh shit," Zed muttered. "I bow down."

"Honestly, if she weren't dead, I get the feeling she'd never rest again," Callico sighed.

"Yeah. Even back in boot camp and her first tours, she was married to her work. It's a wonder she found the time to fall for Callico," Badger said.

"The only time we ever...got together, was on shore leave. We never really thought it would be anything serious until...," Callico trailed off. "I lost my leg at Elysium, and military prosthetics weren't up to snuff back then. I had to resign."

"I see that you prosthetic is doing well for you now," Liara answered.

"Yeah...Shepard told me to get one already just before she went off to N7 training. She took me to the appointment and then sprintedq to the docking bay for her departure. She was quite the force to be reckonned with," Callico reminisced. The ghosts in her eyes had gone. It was as though Shepard had been brought to life in front of her again.

"So enough bulling around. You and her crew want to hold a memorial service for her?" Badger asked.

"Yes," Liara answered. A fiery determination lit her voice from within. The same as Shepard's negotiating tone.

"The two of us will be there. And we want our children to meet the people Shepard came to depend on," Zed began. "What about you two?"

"I need to be there for her again," Beetle answered.

"I'll have my apprentice run the local shop for the day. I just need a date so I can get it set up," Callico replied.

"Thank you. All of you. It's been wonderful getting to know who Alicia was," Liara said. "The service will be this 'Sunday'."

The group dispersed with a few polite goodbyes, leaving only Liara and Garrus at the table. She closed her eyes and took a deep, pained breath.

"I miss her, Garrus," she breathed. He placed a careful arm around her shoulders in a side hug.

"I miss her too."

~~~~~~~

Garrus turned to Liara with a knowing look. Her muscles stiffened. As though she might start glowing blue at any moment. He could have sworn he saw bright static playing from her fingertips. Her mouth was set in a hard line.

"You don't have to do this, you know. I have a speech prepated if you need to tap out," he offered.

Liara looked up at him. "Thank you, Garrus, but I need to do this for me. For her. She...always liked to hear me when we were alone, but I was too shy to ever do it in public. I need to do this for her, one last time."

Garrus pulled her in close for a quick hug. "The stage is yours, Liara."

She took the short walk up unto the slightly elevated stage. The crowd settled. It was made up of Shepard's crew, old and new. Most of them still bruised up from the battle of the Citadel. Alliance executives. Anderson. Hackett. Even Udina had shown up, though that could have been for the cameras rolling. A few people she had helped who were still on the Citadel dotted the crowd. Alone and in families. The Consort herself and many of her accolytes. A few prostitutes and bartenders. All of them dressed in black or dress blues. A motley crew indeed.

Liara didn't speak. She took a deep beath and began to sing. Ave Maria translated into her mother's asari dialect, a small eastern region on Thessia. She kept her eyes to the simulated clouds, imagining Shepard in the heavens. Watching over them all. Enjoying her performance. Blissful and restful and free.

As the song ended, Liara finally took notice of the expressions of the audience. The crewmen cheered, as did the Alliance executives and many of the people she'd watched Shepard help without a second thought. The Consort cried quietly. Her accolytes comforted her. The prostitutes and bartenders looked to the sky as well, nearly expecting Shepard to appear.

"I will never forget the commander," Liara began. "She chose not to be judgemental when so many others would have. She was a woman of great strength and determination, and it felt as though nothing could get in her way. She kept pushing and fighting to make her way in a galaxy that is not kind to little girls from the streets with no family to turn to."

"Though...I argue that she did find a family. She welcomed anyone willing to give up all they had and follow her into open arms. She took us in, the broken and the battered and the disadvantaged. It felt miraculous to be a part of such a journey, for such a just cause. There was never a question of where people stood with Shepard. She simply spoke."

"She paused to mourn for the fallen, always praying over her cup of tea in the morning, hoping beyond hope that they had reached a better plane of existence than this. A better life than this. I will admit, I did not always understand her beliefs as they were, but the person she claimed to be in light of them inspired me."

"I'll never forget her warmth towards every member of the crew, to every person she encountered, every tired refugee. Like a loving mother or a calm river, she drew in everyone she possibly could. Not because of some grand plan. She truly believed that every life is worth saving. And for that, Alicia Shepard will be missed. Would anyone else like to speak?" Liara concluded. Garrus stood immediately and passed her on the stairs. He muttered encouragements just before he took the podium.

"I spent a lot of time under Shepard's command rather confused over her ideology. Her ultimate goal was to save as many innocent people as possible, even those who were not so innocent.

And for a while, I didn't understand her. I thought that as long as you get the bad guys, the way you get them shouldn't matter. She was adamant. Persistent. It took a long time for me to see it her way, but one night after a mission, she came to the crew deck, and we all talked to each other for a while." In actuality, they'd played cards, but that wasn't something Admiral Hackett needed to know.

"She said that she watched people being born poor, growing up, and dying just the same when she was younger. And that changed her. She wanted to save people from that life, and putting them out of their misery wasn't the way to do it. That was why her policy was the right way, not the fast way. It made her many enemies, but I'd say it made her plenty of friends as well. Would anyone else like to speak?" Garrus said.

After a few moments, Anderson stood. He walked up the stairs slowly, still aching from the Citadel attack.

"I met Shepard after the Skyllian Blitz. She was outside the medbay, having just spoken with a squadmate who'd been severely injured during the fight. She didn't show it. A lot of times, she never showed her true feelings. She was private when I knew her. Well, more accurately, she was a third lieutenant." Some of the Alliance crowd snickered.

"She did her best not to take shortcuts. She knew they were there. She knew it would be easier to take them, but Shepard had an unwavering moral compass that wouldn't let her put innocent people at risk if she could stop it. Maybe she was brave. Maybe she was stupid. I'd like to imagine that the future actions of her crew will prove which she was. Her memory lives on in all the people she saved, and that number stands in the thousands. She will be dearly missed. Would anyone else like to speak?"

The Consort walked to the stage. It was unheard of for the Consort to appear in public to begin with, especially to speak.

"I once gave the commander a gift of words. But on my life, I could never remember them. She was more than the unfortunate circumstances of her childhood. She was more than her acts of heroism in the Blitz. She was a force of nature. One could either yield to her sway or be crushed in the wind, but her overwhelming kindness made it so easy to bend to her. She was powerful, but she worked for it. And everything in her was constructed to appear indestructible, as so many soldiers must. But she did not simply command and expect others to follow. She forced herself into the trenches with her crew. She lived as though she would always go there again. Over and over. The universe is lesser having lost someone like her. Would anyone else like to speak?"

Callico stood up. She carefully made her way to the steps. The Consort helped her up onto the stage before heading back to her seat.

"Alicia Shepard saved my life on more than one occasion, just as I've saved hers. There was one time after I resigned from the Alliance that I heard from her and her new crew. They'd gone down to a planet in search of some Alliance soldiers who'd dropped out of communication. Pretty standard, right? Well...they found an Alliance distress signal. Problem was, it was set up in the middle of the nest of a thresher maw. Shepard was driving and apparently screaming because those things could tear the hull off a cruiser. They kill it, and just sit there for a second. Shepard told me later that she said, and this is too stupid to make up, she said, "Still better than the Blitz."," Callico retold. The crowd rippled with laughter.

"She was a crazy bastard, but she was also the best one I knew. I knew she'd go down with her ship, and Lord knows she's up there raising hell in heaven. Who else would like to speak?"

Nobody stood up.

"Then...could someone help me down from here?" Callico joked. Liara rushed up the stairs to help her back to her seat before running back to the microphone.

"There will be a reception with refreshments. Feel free to mingle as you see fit," she said. Liara set some calm, classical music to play.

Beetle came up onto the stage. "Oh hell no. Shepard loved club music from Chora's Den, right?"

"Well...yes," Liara muttered.

"Let me take care of this," she whispered. Liara stepped away from the console and let the engineer work. Beetle set on a playlist Shepard's favorite songs.

Liara smiled. "Thank you, Beetle," she said.

"It's Nancy. Nancy Druvalian. I mean, still call me Beetle, because I feel like the name doesn't fit me," Beetle muttered.

"Is there a particular reason you and the others still go by your code names?" Liara asked.

"Sentimentality. I'm not the same as I was then. I don't think any of them are. But we want to believe we can still be those innocent twenty-somethings, so we keep the names," she explained.

"That's strangely wise."

"What about you?" Beetle countered.

"What about me?"

"How did you and Shepard fall in love?" she muttered.

Liara flushed cerulean. "I suppose it did have a little to do with her saving me, and my initial interest was piqued by her interaction with the Prothean beacon. But...she was special. Her moral compass demanded that she keep going despite the odds being against her favor. And she was immediately accepting of me when much of her human crew did not trust me. Even when she brought me with her to Noveria, and we found my mother was there, her trust in me never wavered. Not for a moment. And she was...guilty over having to kill her. More than I was then, so I think she was more guilty for my sake. That was more than I could say for any other person I'd ever known. It was...magical," Liara answered.

"You're a lot like her, y'know?" Beetle said.

"What?"

"You can start a story and just keep going, like time doesn't even exist. Just like Shepard," she replied.

"She told stories often?" Liara asked.

"It took a long while to get her to open up, but eventually, yes. The old guard and I got her to tell us a few stories. I couldn't do them just myself, so I guess you'll have to ask her when you get up there yourself," Beetle joked. Liara nodded.

"Hopefully, that won't be for a while yet," Garrus interjected. He'd come up behind the stage to appear at Liara's side. She flinched slightly and punched him in the arm. Garrus poked her side.

"You're insufferable," she grumbled.

"I'll leave you two be," Beetle teased.

Liara turned to Garrus. "Do you think she meant-"

"Yes."

"No offense, Garrus, but you aren't exactly my type," Liara said.

"Oh don't worry. You're a little too smooth for my taste," Garrus sighed. She shot him a look. "No, Liara. You're powerful, I just mean..."

"I miss her too," she muttered.

"You knew?" he asked, leaning against the console with his arms folded.

"I may have picked up a few passing glances, but you didn't exactly seem receptive. Besides...with her right in front of me, it was a little difficult to focus on who else might be pining over her," Liara explained.

"I do not pine!" Garrus protested.

"You were absolutely pining," she teased.

"No! ...Maybe. So what! You were doing a little more than pining after her," he growled.

"Yes. Because she reciprocated. I...Goddess, I just remembered I'm never going to see her again in this life, Garrus," Liara whispered.

"She was the only person you'd ever felt anything for?" Garrus asked.

"Yes. I mean, I suppose it is something akin to a fling in human terms, but...I love her," she said. "Loved." Liara brought her hands to her eyes and sobbed quietly.

"Oh come here," he muttered. Garrus drew her into his arms. "We'll get through this. We always do."

"We?"

"...I'll stay until you and the rest of the crew are settled, but...I need to carry on her vision. Save people. Stop the bad guys. I don't know where I'll go, but I need to keep going for her," Garrus promised.

Liara wiped her eyes, clearing her throat. She looked up at him. "She would be so proud of you."

"We'll see her again someday, Liara. Until then, we live the way she would want us to live," he said. Garrus carefully patted her shoulder. "And for what it's worth, I think she'd be proud of you too." Liara smiled. "There's that smile Shepard loved so much. I can see why. It suits you."

Liara held his hand. "Thank you, Garrus. I think I'm ready to do some mingling."

"You sure? We could always skip straight to the drinks and telling war stories," Garrus suggested, letting her out of his hug.

"As tempting as that is, I want to see if I can at least get her a monument somewhere. A lot of these people will still be feeling grateful," Liara asserted.

"See if you can get her off of those Alliance recruitment posters. Those are just disrespectful," Garrus requested.

"I'll see what I can do," she said over her shoulder as she disappeared into the crowd.


End file.
